Conscious or Subconscious

No matter how hard i try, i keep going round and round and can't seem to break out of my behavior patterns. I am my own worst enemy. All i need to do is meditate twice a day, but i never do, i last for a few days then don't meditate for weeks. And then i am full of negative energy most of it not mine. Well at least i am wrtting this i will try harder to meditate twice a day.